Orphan, Widower & Vilomah

What do you call a parent who outlives a child? A similar question is brilliantly posed by Katherine Hepburn in the film adaptation of Tennessee Williams' play Suddenly Last Summer. Katherine Hepburn as the pink haired Mrs. Violet Venable says, "After all, I've buried a husband and a son. I'm a widower and a . . . Funny, there's no word. Lose your parents, you're an orphan. Lose your only son and you are . . . nothing" (1959). Actually, Mrs. Venable is a vilomah and no, I didn't make that up.

"Widow" is from the Sanskrit word meaning "empty." Incidentally  "vilomah" is another Sanskrit word meaning "against a natural order." The natural order is for the parent to precede the child in death. Against the natural order if or the child to precede the parent. Thus, vilomah. 

Between the years of 1840 and 1850, Jonathan Hosea Callaway was a son, a husband, a father. He also became an orphan, a widower and a vilomah. 

• August 28, 1840 - John D. Callaway, father of Jonathan Hosea dies.
• November 29, 1840 - Jonathan's daughter, Martha "Mattie" Van, is born.
• March 16, 1842 - Jonathan's daughter, Sarah Ann Caroline, is born.
• November 28, 1844 - Jonathan's son, James Almorin, is born.
• December 3, 1846 - Jonathan's son, Hosea Lany, is born.
• December 3, 1846 - Lany, wife of Jonathan, dies.
• January 8, 1848 - Rachel Mobely, mother of Jonathan Hosea dies.
• August 30, 1848 - Jonathan Hosea married Martha Jane Jones.
• July 1849 - Martha's pregnant with Jonathan's son, Andrew Jackson.
• October 11, 1849 - Hosea Lany, son of Jonathan, dies.
• October 29, 1849 - James Almorin, son of Jonathan, dies.
• March 25, 1850 - Jonathan's son, Andrew Jackson, is born.

Even if we assume that people accepted death more readily in the mid-1800s than we do today, I find my self thinking that Jonathan Hosea must have experienced tremendous heartache by the time his son, Andrew Jackson, was born. To become a father and a widow on the same day. Then lose your mother 2 years later and become an orphan. To lose two small sons within weeks of each other and become a vilomah while your wife is 4 months pregnant. The pressure of grief is too much for me to imagine. 

There's plenty of research about antebellum mothers with regards to grief and mourning. This personal encounter with a historical person made me realize, I hadn't read anything about fathers. Surely, someone else had the same questions I did. In 1994 Sally McMillon asked a similar question which resulted in the publication of her article "Antebellum Southern Fathers and the Health Care of Children" in the Journal of Southern History. McMillon states: "Historical studies of child care usually focus on mothers and demonstrate their important and demanding role within the domestic sphere. Studies of the antebellum South have examined the domestic role of slaves as well as their mistresses; however, the participation of southern fathers in the home - the duties that they assumed and the intensity of their involvement in the care of children - has not yet received adequate attention." I agree. 

Sally McMillon reviewed many personal letters and journals of Southern fathers which reveals a "deep concern and active participation in the care of their offspring" (514). She also explores the other side of the coin, those fathers who did not want or care for their offspring.  However, much of her article focuses on the attention and duties Southern fathers had in their children's lives. Like privileged antebellum women, men were instructed on proper paternal roles of fatherhood. These caring fathers were nursemaids to their children, cajoling them to eat, concocting remedies, soothing fevers, and holding them as they passed away. They also took care of their pregnant wives, ensuring a healthy mother ensured a healthy baby. While pregnant mothers had a "natural fear of the forthcoming delivery," fathers also "fretted, agonized and prayed" (517). 

The whole of McMillon's article provides an illuminating insight to Jonathan Hosea's potential personality. It also raises more questions. Did he rejoice in the birth of his son while grieving over the death of his wife? How do you conduct an antebellum funeral and a celebration at the same time. Since his mother was widow, perhaps she came to live with him and help care for the children after his wife's death. Is that why he waited so long to remarry? He needed someone to help him with the children after his mother died? What was it like for him to care for 2 sick little boys and a young pregnant wife?

It would be interesting to do some more research and write a story about this situation. What do you think?